The Beginning...

"To get something you've never had, you have to do something you've never done."

Through the trials and tribulations in my life there has been one person that's always there for me. Someone that I have always put second (or third, or fourth...). Someone I have neglected terribly. Myself. I am finally at the point in my life where I understand if I am happy, I will make those around me happy as well. So, the reinvention has been launched.

I have fully committed myself to living each day to its fullest. To embodying the person I want my children to be. To never put off for tomorrow what I can achieve today.

I want to run a marathon. I want to see the world. I want to compete in a Triathlon. I want to skydive. I will. I must condition myself to say "I will" and not "I want" or "I plan." Those are too impermanent. I will.

First things first. The marathon. With two decent mud runs under my belt, I have one more on the agenda. September 24th I run the Survivor Mud Run in Lake Elsinore. Plans were to run a 15k in Chicago in November; but plans for that fell through, leaving me with no more races until January 28th when I run the Super Spartan at Vail Lake. An 8+ mile hard core obstacle course, not intended for the feint of heart. I can't wait.

After that, it's marathon training. Haven't settled on the marathon to run yet. Will likely try to get into the San Fransisco Nike Women's Marathon, which typically runs in October and opens to registration via lottery in April. Truly, the venue doesn't matter as much as the run does. I will finish.

As much as I love to be active for myself and my kids, in the interest of full disclosure, I have to admit I do have ulterior motives. But that's a long story....

I grew up with a hearing loss and was conditioned to being told my whole life that I couldn't do things because of it. When I got older, I started to push the system, hoping for change. I fought for years against "minimum qualifications." I wrote the Governor(s), the President, the Department of Justice, and POST appealing to them to modify their standards. My primary point, the POST standards allow people with vision loss to use "corrective devices" (glasses/contacts) but they do not allow the same for those with hearing loss.

I finished college and got a job in a field that matched my major (sociology/social work). For the past 7.5 years, I have had a job. Not a career, not a profession, not a love. A job. And depending on the day, it can be incredibly rewarding or incredibly frustrating. I have longed every day for the opportunity that I feel like I missed because of my ears. I gave up on the dream several years ago. And, at a point in my life where I had started to search desperately for a job that I would enjoy, I stumbled upon information that literally has changed my life.

Two weeks ago, I learned that POST had updated their standards and now allow "corrective devices" for vision AND hearing losses. At the same time, I had been referred to a specialist through my doctor to see if I can get some of my hearing back.

One week ago, I applied for a position as a Police Recruit with the City of San Diego.

That is terrifying to say out loud. And yet it makes my heart race. I love the City and if I had to pick one Department anywhere to work for, San Diego would be it. It's where my heart is. It's one of the first Departments to adopt the new POST standards and I couldn't have discovered it at a better time.

I don't expect any of it to be easy. And I have so many things running through my head telling me I'm crazy and I should give up. But, what's the point of living if you're not really LIVING? And what's the point of getting up every morning if you're not getting out of bed to do something that makes you happy? Maybe it's the mid-life crisis but I will not look back on my life with regrets. End of story.

I will live every day to the absolute maximum. I will be happy, kind, and generous. I will accept that there are things I can not change and I will simply let them go. I will live MY life the way I want people to talk about it after I'm gone. I will.