Secrets

There are very few people in my life that know about my decision to pursue a law enforcement career. Well, very few people in my real life.

I can't decide if I'm not telling people because I am afraid of failing and want the fewest amount of people to know if I don't make it or if I'm afraid of negative reactions. I guess a little of both.

Ironically, it was my ex that convinced me to pursue my dreams. Maybe because he knows how much I gave up to support his dreams while we were together. He encouraged me to apply and assured me many times that I was physically capable of meeting the requirements. It's certainly appreciated, but I'm still not sure where he gets that much confidence in me.

While I admit I'm scared about the possibilities and of how far I have to go before I will qualify; I have noticed I'm walking a little taller, smiling a little more, and enjoying my life the way that I have needed to for a long time since making the decision to go for it. I am comfortable with myself and I can already see positive changes in my run times and my endurance. Each small victory takes me one step closer to the dream.

As much as I enjoy being happy and upbeat, people are starting to notice. And now, I don't know what to say when people ask me why I'm so happy. I've been trying to make up lots of excuses, but I'm running out. Haha. How many times can I say I'm happy because it's not Monday or because it's 4 o'clock before someone realizes I'm fibbing?

Spent much needed quality time with my dad this weekend and he was probing as well. We talked about my run training and what races I have planned. He had this look to him that I haven't seen in a long time. I think it was pride. He said that he's never seen me so motivated before and was wondering what was behind it. He knows me all too well. Luckily, my stepmother didn't let me get a word out of my mouth before she was scolding him for asking. I can't bring myself to tell either of my parents. I don't know why, I'm close to both of them. I think I'm just scared of not getting their approval. I will tell them eventually... I mean, I have to invite them to my graduation from the academy, right? ;-)

For now, it's just my confidants that are in the loop. And that's how it's going to stay. I guess the handful of people in my life that know will have to be really good at keeping secrets.

Shh!!!